Starting Again

It is always difficult to come back at where you left, then realise, it was supposed to be the destiny of my life to help and heal People, why do i keep forgetting. I rather sometimes caught in between the desires and expectations. And try to change myself for others was the real battle to me within. Now I made another full circle of ups and down and several changes happens in year. It is only happening because my soul couldn’t be in the place where there is no moral and ethical value, no freedom or truth.

Healing is something i always know deep down which is gifted by god or ancestor, ( My grandfather). My healing hand, my insights(A psychic) knowledge and passion to help others,  make then better and happy, is my real interest in my life. I sometimes do more than i should to help people, i realise sometimes i feel like i am controlling people’s life to show them better on themselves, but forgetting about there destiny and freedom, end of the day I am human but conscious.

A psychic/ healer is which I always acknowledge within me, once I come back my real nature and stay grounded, I can do better for people, which I know. I can read people from distance, I clearly see suffering, joy in their life. I can also see the motive fo person before they try to show their teeth to bite.

My experience of healing and helping comes from what my journey teach me from age of 6. Growing up with may grandparents and seen them helping and healing people through Ayurveda ( ancient healing in India) and spiritual acts, herbs etc, seeing their passion to help people even tho they had hardly anything to eat sometimes. They teach told me once As long as we have shelter and food for tonight we are alive that is enough for today. His whole perspective of life is to live healthy, happy, be kind and compassionate and help needy ones, bring awareness to venerable in community, and spread the wisdom of Natural, Spritual, Ayurvedic lifestyle.

I wasn’t the best and kind human all my life. I went through my phase of bad and good as all humans do, but it was not the chic but Situations. I born in very small village in Himalayas( now days it better, roads are there, that time there were none, we had to walk miles to even get packet of salt, thankfully we used to grow all our food and had our cattle for milk and butter etc, 2 time meals a day was lucky and nearly 365 days of year we used to eat Rice+veggies( only sometimes meats, maybe once a year) It was beautiful life this, we had humble respect to all grains and veggies, we work hard to grow and harvest them, we used to love every pieces of grain and save them. Thats still n me, I still do not wish to see food wasted. My grandfather used to told me- If 1 grain we waste and million people do them same, it will be million grains, if we grow them all, it can feed more millions hungry people in the world.   

I born in hostile family, my father was narcissist, alcoholic and abuser, he still was until last 15years. I think he still is, as he never wish to accept that darkness within him. He was alcoholic and full of violence and anger within him, and I can’t see where it comes to him, as my grandfather and grandmother, and all uncle, aunts are very much kind and compassionate humans. But my father was rebellion, he left home and learn to drink alcohol in quite young time, our culture never accept any substances or alcohol( even meats), Thats why my father find pleasure on them and get addicted then he hide and drink and just do not listen anything from my grandparents. Slowly he start depend on that kind of pleasure and freedom he found. Then one day my grandfather convince him to get married, he agreed, they married to one of the kindest and beautiful human My mother, everyone says that my mother was one of the minded and beautiful human they ever meet in village, she was kind to poor people, compassionate, very calm and peaceful. One very violent, trouble man get married with innocent, kind and beautiful human beings. My grandparent expectation was once my father get married he will change for his wife and family and stay at home, its like old belief and kind of control as well, but it was our culture then.

After they married it wasn’t all great he went back to drinking and leaving home, fighting with his parents, then he decided to move out of the house and go other side of the country then( its district now). My grandparents from mother side was much wealthier then my father side, they do not wish to see their daughter unhappy, so they donate the land and build small house for my mother and father, they were living there quite ok for while, my father planted lots of trees, orange, banana plants ( they still are there), he started new job too, electrical man( electrician). My sister born,I born we were only 3 years apart each other.

After that all my first memory of that house and land which is (Mine now). I was only 2-3 years old, I remember lots of people surrounded around that same mud house with 2 rooms. I can see from my Grandfathers house. I remember my grandfather running towards us( me and Aunty)and he said keep him here and he climb the ladder and took white cloth and run back, I knew something is not right. No one around grandfather house or even next-door neighbours, I see lots of people still moving around my little mud house. That night I sleep with my Aunt.

Next day I ask for my mother and want to go home, my grandparents told me my mother already went to market and not return yet, she will come and see me when I sleep. Thats happen for so many days and night mother never come.

What happen to my mother I had no idea. Yes time pass then I heard my mother went to heaven and she is happy there. But I was just a child what to think? I probably cry everyday and night.

Then we start living with our alcoholic father, he used to come in the evening, he tried to cook rice and feed us some night as per my sister told me, oneway I tried for my mother I might tired that day or hungry. He cary me out and throw me in to jungle( I was just 4 years now) One old lady from neighbours found me in the morning sleeping under the tree, I was alive, not even by animals, thank god( she still live, she is about 96 now). After that incident that old lady didn’t return me to My father she rather take me to my grandparents from Mother side, we both sister and me we live with them for while, then My Hero grandfather( from father side) comes and take to to his him. My sister and me we separated since then and still we live apart, altho we both survive and we both have our life back now.

So here you go my story of healing start from here, but not that easy growing up on that situation, I had continue nightmares, I had trauma from my father, he was still around. he pretend to be alright once and he get married, then we were around age 8-10, we start living with him, step mum and grandparent together. But his behaviour, his anger, never get better, even I was living with my grandparent he used to control me, hits me, speaking abusive words, just an awful feeling even i am writing now. Altho I heal from it and i forgive him completely, what he done. But still I need lots of healing work every now and then. Now i am 11 all spiritual teachings from grandfather i am learning, going school, learning to farm, grow veggies and make medicine from herbs plenty of other things, its beautiful memory. But other side my hate towards father, anger towards him is growing slowly, I and starting to get angry as well. One day my grandmother told me about what happen to my Mother then, it was my whole inner belief collapse, My father actually give 30 anti pregnancy or maybe something to my mother and she did pithing  1 hour taking them. She was 3 month pregnant. he do not want other child from my mother, because he was in love with other human in another village.

From here my world is completely change, I was never ever be able to forgive him, I was carrying so much of anger within me because of that. But that anger actually suffer me more than anyone, that trauma also nearly kill me. Then it’s lead me to get rebellion and get to of village. I was smarted kid and very humble and kind child as many describe, but for me from that age till I was 22 was gone through several self abuse, depression, anger, sexual abuse, nearly went in to alcohol abuse. I didn’t went to dinking alcohol as much because of seeing my father drinking, and would ver want to be as my father. But in somehow I did repeat life of my father in some years. I hurt people because i was hurt and unconscious.

Sometime I went into doing porter work in mountain to carry baggage of tourist, during the trekking season. Thats actually save my life too, I get to learn more culture, language, religion, and about human, I could able to share my story and heard from other, thats really help me to stay away from to much harm. I grow that life of traveller from there and i still do travelling. Travelling, learning phyloshopies, meeting people, connecting, is something called my religion now. But my core healing comes from my grandfather teachings, my personal trauma and my journey.

I was doing lots of trekking and hiking and one stage about 23 years old I was smoking Weeds quite a lot, again there I meet the girl from Italy she was beautiful, she was teacher, she come to Ladakh ( Place in Himalayas )for doing Silent Vipasana meditation for month, before going to retreat she would love to go trek she said, and I went with her as her guide, we had wonderful time I still remember those wonderful days and night, walking in cold desert and sleeping under the starts with one stranger come from Italy, we exchange story of our life and it comes to similarity. She was abuse by her father s well after her mother pass away, but it was lovingly abuse ( sexual) from she was quite young, and thats trauma hunts her every night. I can see her tears and deep level of fear. But she was relief after I told my story as well. We kind fall into love for moments. It was very beautiful moment of life for me.After trekking I decided to join her and go to Vipasana meditation fro 1 month. As Hindu and going for something new I was very optimistic about it, but I went because I found comfort in my should around that nice Italian girl. We join the vipasan, we were not allowed to talk with anyone, no phone and just feel the emotions. First few days was hell and I try to run away from retreat, I mean I make plan but I still stay around to just see that girl once again. In about 10 days my mind start changing, more emotions, cry, sadness, pain and deeper experience of void, very mis feelings I started feel. My attachments to that girl is shifting slowly.

I finish my Vipasana one of the greater gift of my life given by stranger and one of the beautiful girl ever i meet and able to speak everything under the start without any fear of anything. And also I felt that there is not just me suffering in this world. There is many child are victims by their own parents and family’s sometimes, religion, society, cast all kind of devision, abusive relationship, sapratation, divorce all kids bring the the suffering to Childs life. All those things was not the Childs felt or choices,perents, comity, religion or any belief system made them that way. I see the suffering in so may people these days, they are living as they wish too.

Unfortunately I didn’t see that girl after My meditation retreat. Until she come to find me after 3 years in Ladakh( but I was in Australia) We had emails that time and no Facebook either and I still imagine her face, hopefully I can see her oneway and thats her with big hug. I hope she is well and heal from her trauma by now.

I realise that we need to learn more, work on our past and make a new person as we really suppose to be, deactivate the conditions of past. I believe it is always possible, we need to find ourself first. Only one thing can keep us away from healing, it will be, unnatural desires, like alcohol, drugs, and sexual addictions, for fulfil these things people do crime, people abuse themselves, people never heal from that trauma or inner sickness. But they only doing these things to feel good for moment, not too good always. We need to focus on permanent goodness of self and others.

After vipasan, I went to do training in Ayurveda, get qualification I learn mama massages, diets, lifestyle, learn yoga, pranayama, and also live 6 month in Ashram to learn more spiritual work. But again it didn’t make me Guru or Yogi, neither i had ego to become one. I still continue my trekking and climbing work in season. I had few accident I might have died but survive and had terrible experience in travelling as well, but never give up learning and travelling. Open healthy cafes, learn cooking but these all I did because someone told me I am good at it.

I am good in cooking but I am not best in cooking business. My knowaldge of cooking comes from Ayurvedic prospective. Balance diets, healthy ingredients cook for peoples health. My ideas  never to make lots money.  I wouldn’t sell unhealthy food or do immoral practices. I run cafes in India(Goa) successfully, healthy cafes and vegetarian meals did well in India, as many locals eat veggies and also the international tourist would like to try it. But here in west donegal i had dream to bring healthy balance diets cafe only because I felt its necessary for people and tough people will appreciate it. I tried my best to bring that idea but felid twice and lost significant amount of money too. Why i failed?  Because I believe people understand my selling points, healthy ideas, and also i was depending on my cooks and staff to understand my vision of healthy cafe. It’s not their fault they were there to make money and support heir family, there were not there to make my Ego successful. And my ego was not to become rich or famous, but to believe that in society and community we need healthy balance diets so people suffer less with sickness. I have seen so many people suffering with wrong foods, instead of changing way of life and  nutrition for body, people change hospital, doctors and pill.( thats bitter truth)

Now I left behind by EGO of healing people diets, I rather speak very less now for peoples health, as they need to acknowledge it themself.

Anyway now I decided to focus on what my life learning was and what can do to continue healing work and still lie my passion which give me energy in life, which is travel and adventure. If you also wish to join some ravelling with me here is website – www.namastenomad.ie

Thankfully my grandfather was there and I had a chance to grow up with him.Thankfully I meet lots of great people along my journey, thankfully I decided to go in spiritual journey and understand deeper level of my own soul. Thank to all the hard session, hunger, poverty, loneliness they all teaches something in our life.

Anyway I can tell all the history and story of my life in another time, which I am writing the book but it takes me a long time to finish, too much emotions evolve.

Today I am just acknowledging my potential, knowledge and which i can genuinely help others in the community I am living in now. Holistic therapy and ancient healing through massage, meditation, diets and energy works, counselling. I have done several training, study mindfulness masters, CBT diploma, and ancient philosophy Vedanta, learn vipasana and many other forms of meditation. And I can actually help people to bring awareness and consciousness within them through some practice.

I had started my Ganesh Healing in 2012, it was going all great until my thumb started get very sore, then I decided to change my career from healer to Adventure guide which I have worked in Himalayas for several years and I still do. sometimes as passion. Then Ego arises in 2014 to buy a small house for family.  For a house I need money. And wife know that I can run cafe as she seen it in India, she supported me to open small cafe in Falcarragh town. It was all exciting time for while, then once Cafe opens it becomes very unbalance with 3 young kids, it was stressful. then pithing 7 month we end up breaking up marriage relationship, beautiful family, my amazing kids, wife, sadly we end, that was my another shock in life, then my past trauma creeping in slowly. It was tuff but I keep conscious, no drinking no any other forms of pleasure. I was new in this country and had very little clue about all official works, papers works, tax, employees so on, my wife was helping me on this but suddenly I had to do it all, and sea time maintenance for kids and seeing them regularly was very important too. After 10 month of cafe I had to focus of end, of cafe and clear the mess and back to massage again so i can sustain life. I never took Dole as I fell it was not necessary. Our dream house end, our relationship end, all money was saved from 2012 to 2014 from therapy also finish and dept of 12 thousand in bank. Finding new place and starting again was really challenging.

In 2015 I started my travel business and part time massage business privately again. All doing well and all was going ok. Until 2019 January I meet one Guy from Nepal he was working in chines takeaway in Gwedore. I become friend with him, he was good guy. He was working with chines but chines guy didn’t pay him wages. We discuss the possibility to take over the chines, buy it and open my vision of healthy cafe and takeaway restaurant. He agreed, he also agreed that I won’t be running cafe after few month training. We open and went all great until 3 month. Then i find out he didn’t register the staff with revenue for 3 month but he was taking out tax money from the staff wages. That makes my really unhappy. I discuss and try to solve it, then i find out in kitchen they are frying the chicken, or mets in same oil with the vegan pakoras, bhajji etc, soother is lots of this wasn’t right. I wouldn’t do that kind of business where there is cheating happening. Then staff manipulation, putting them against me so i leave cafe. Things again going in to negative way. Monday I told one young staff she was drinking too much diet cook and always stress and panic in work, I told her too much of cook can cause cancer like decease, maybe doing bit more water. I didn’t realise her father was suffering with cancer same time, and I didn’t even think that actually gonna hurt her, I was trying to be helpful, but it was cultural difference how we speak to our love ones with care, that i try to do everyone, sometime it becomes controlling as well.

Negativity was raising and another staff was playing lots of game behind because of taxes and wages issues, try to handle with all of them but didn’t seems they are happy. Altho I clear all ties and staff registration later. There were lots of hygiene issues inside as well in my absence, as i was in travelling and doing my therapy, so couldn’t go to cafe everyday, and i had kids to look-after in weekends and it was too difficult of handle, i was just going crazy by the August.

I decided to quite the cafe and leave everything for the guy who I help and rescue from Chinese, hoping that now he can run and do well for himself and return my investments later. I did regret and disappointed about why did I even start after already loss nearly everything in Falcarragh. I think my answer is, it was my ego still not happy to fail in Falcarragh, deeper down I was carrying that disappointment of unwilling to create dream of healthy cafe, now in this one the guy who I help was my hope of success, event that really stupid to think but that was inner truth. I was hoping him to work for me and earn money for him and little for mw but Name and success is mine. So cafe was not actually for money eagling tools for me it was only to fulfil my EGO thats why it fails. But other side my business partner was looking make money, save and rest his dream through earning as much possible. So quality, hygiene, quantity, ingredients, healthy food, and moral and ethical value was his concern at all. Thats where we clash and it was not his fault. I should lost to learn and it happen.

My business partner left after few weeks, he sale whatever he could and gone. My all equipments and stuff are still in that cafe but i have nothing to bring or useful to keep anymore. So basically I lost another 62 thousand in 6 years. I also receive threatening calls from Local priest which I wouldn’t name here, to push me out of this area, because he hated me, reason was he was in love with my then Girlfriend, I found all reverent evidence from their phone including videos and photos. Thats give me mental break from November to December, but again I had best support and beautiful friends here. They help me quite well, listen to my story. Now all  is well, i let go of what hurts or pains, it was nothing to do with me. It was their suffering. I am victims of situation but these are real experience.

I accept that I have struggle more here to do anything, then the person was born here and live with family and society from long time. Also i have accept that i am not following and religion, or ideas or politics that also make things difficult. And I have no close family relation here, except my 3 kids thats also difficult. For me doing 9-5 job and earn basic wages is very not affordable so I have multi task and do anythings to survive but same time, i wouldn’t do anything unhealthy, unholy, against people health and wellbeing. I can easily open Indian takeaway and sell kakab to make money, but I cant do tat, I heard do not allow me. I want to see people healthy and happy, and less suffering in their life.

Anyway i cover lots of my mix story in one blog.

After all I move to beautiful village of Roshine Dunfanaghy, get house to rent from very very kind lady, I cannot thanked her enough. Thats way i love people here and the area so much, they have given me so much support. I feel so much grateful for their help and trust one me. Even sometime I speak bitter truth, it might hurt them but some of them have tolerate me very well and i acknowledge that and  very very thankful. I started Job in Hotel Shandon at spa which I love and people were so nice to me there too. No I have to cut down my full time employment to part time and start taking my clients in privet practice.

Very good thing is i am still alive, healthy, and i am happy, my kids and best friends are still around. Happy. My friends still around to support when i need. My massage clients are still coming wherever i am fro many years, some have lost contact because I change my number recently. Most clients are still in touch with me and i am still helping them.

Sometime in life we loss metrerial wealth and desire to gain something importent. Name, fame or lots of money, it’s do not much value to me then my healing work, travelling passion and dear family, friends, children and nature.

From all that UPS and Down last year that also rally challenge my mental situation but again my knowledge of how handle that mental screens and doubts is the key I lean from my spiritual journey. Which I am very much willing to pas it on to people who want the same keys so they can handle difficult time easily

After nearly 4 month COVID19 lock down, i have connected more into my deeper truth, connected with family, friends and my real clients more, and now i know what is worth in life. No ego to make more wealth, but appreciate and admire what i have already achieved. Helping others, having time with children and family and focusing on what is really important in life.

Not spending life in fighting and finding rather just grounding and accepting the reality.

Hope all my previous clients and friends will support me, so I can still be able to help more people in the community I live in.

Ethical and moral service is always my choice and healing is something rewarding for soul propose.

I am working at Shandon spa till now full time. I have requested them to put me in part time form next month, then I am doing my privet healing work for all my regular clients for now one. Altho I will still do my travelling nut no more other then travelling, and therapy.

If you wish to try my any of therapy please bak appointment online. www.ganeshhealing.com

 

Thank you for reading I am writing the book and it might take another while but it will be interesting story.